BECAUSE coming to love reality (or “God”) is the work. When I fight with “God,” I can’t and won’t see what is. I seem to choose the safety of hiding over the unbearable compassion of embracing IT all! Facing the world’s great suffering that divides the haves from the have-nots is overwhelming, let alone my own pain – I do get sick, I do get old, and people I love do die.
So the way I deal with it is by denying that I have feelings, hoping to protect my heart from being utterly shattered. I silence the call to LOVE and go into rationalizations, so that I could continue to function in the presence of suffering.
BECAUSE being human is to remain vulnerable as I sit with the Mystery, in awe of the suffering that comes with it. If not, how could I have the compassion to do what it takes to heal? My name is CAIN, S/Hebrew for “possessed by jealousy.” I’m enraged at not understanding WHY I would be so Powerless to be heard, seen or received by you. I try so hard to get your approval…
But no matter what, I fail. My brother, though, he had it all! I was so angry at him I killed him, and had to leave the presence. I’ve been wandering now for an eternity, in the hope that I could find you, my LOVE… And all I have is this mark on my forehead leading me to you, and it is in codes!